Monday 6 March 2017

Chapter VIII: A Surprisingly Narrow Escape

The story so far: Ellis Cobalt is an android with amnesia. They are standing in a gift shop.

The character waking up with no memory of where they are, how they got there or who they are is a common, some might say, overused trope. But you ever notice how they always come to in jail cells, or war zones, or jungles or, y'know...

What I'm saying is, there aren't really any great movies, games or novels that start "Our hero was in a museum gift shop, but they had no idea how they got there..."

You're about to find out why.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: You have no memory of how you got here, what you’re doing, or even who you are. All you know are your surroundings. You are in a gift shop barely the size of a kitchen in a cheap apartment. You almost knock over the crowded stands selling postcards and key rings, for some reason all depicting humans fighting robots. By the door is a humanoid head connected to a till. “So partner,” the head’s artificial voice croaks. “You gonna buy something or just stand there and rust?” You can see two doors, one marked "EXIT" and one marked "NO ENTRY".
Stranger: m india hi
You: "This isn't India, this the Tin Memorial Museum, in Utopolis. Now are you gonna buy something or am I calling the cops?" the shopkeeper says.
You: What do you want to do?
Stranger: wat
You: You can talk, check your pockets, go through one of the doors or any other action you can think of.
Stranger: ok
Stranger: so wassup
You: The robot shopkeeper looks visibly annoyed. "You've been standing in my shop for half an hour gawping at the displays. That's wassup. Are you going to buy something or shall I call the cops?"
Stranger: call the fkin cops
Stranger: u moron
You: "Right, that's it, I am," the shopkeeper says, and some lights flash on the till-shaped part of its body. "There, I just sent them a message. Cops will be here in two minutes to cart your ass off to jail, sonny."
You: You can hear sirens in the distance.
Stranger: ok
You: "You're really just going to stand here and wait for the cops?" the shopkeeper asks, suddenly less annoyed then curious. "You ain't quite right, are you boy?"
Stranger: ok

I think I've figured out this guy's playing strategy...

You: The sirens are getting louder. Do you just want to wait here for them to arrive?
Stranger: ok
Stranger: ok
You: The door opens and a cop bot rolls in.. It looks like a small tank on a unicycle, covered in blue armour plating and with a siren on its head.
Your chat has been disconnected. Click here to chat again.

That last player may have been attempting to be unhelpful, but they actually did me a favour. Now there's a cop on the scene Ellis might at least succeed in getting themselves shot.

We also start to get a glimpse of just what Ellis' behaviour looks like to everyone around them.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: You have no memory of how you got here, what you’re doing, or even who you are. All you know are your surroundings. You appear to be in a gift shop, facing a till with an annoyed looking human head, and a small police tank on a unicycle. You can see two doors, one marked "EXIT" and one marked "NO ENTRY".
Stranger: Hey
Stranger: How are you?
You: "WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM?" asks the police bot.
You: "It's this weirdo," says the human head on a till. "Just keeps standin' there, mutterin' to themselves."
You: What do you want to do?
Stranger: Lol funny
Stranger: Idk
You: "THIS IS NOT FUNNY," says the police bot. "THIS IS A MATTER OF LAW ENFORCEMENT."
Stranger: Meet chicks my age
You: "THE GIFT SHOP OF THE ROBOT WAR MEMORIAL IS NOT AN APPROPRIATE PLACE TO 'MEET CHICKS YOUR AGE'," the police bot says.
Stranger: Ok cool
Your chat has been disconnected. Click here to chat again.

Ellis' story is a long and complicated one, in the Tower City of Utopolis there are numerous factions at play in a dark shadowy game that Ellis cannot hope to comprehend. Yet somehow, Ellis may also turn out to be the hero that city needs.

Of course, if I ever get bored of this I'm just going to allow the character to walk past an adult movie theatre in the knowledge that Ellis will happily stay there forever, not knowing why they are there, but never questioning it or trying to leave.
  You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: Hey
You: You have no memory of how you got here, what you’re doing, or even who you are. All you know are your surroundings. You appear to be in a gift shop, facing a till with an annoyed looking human head, and a small police tank on a unicycle. You can see two doors, one marked "EXIT" and one marked "NO ENTRY".
Stranger: What is this?
You: "This is a crime against public order!" the shopkeeper cries. "Why can't you go harass someone else?"
You: What do you want to do?
Stranger: Chat
Stranger: Who are you?
You: "If you want to chat, go over the road to the diner! This is the war museum gift shop. You buy knick knacks and leave! That's what it's FOR!" the shopkeeper says.
You: There is a door behind the police bot marked "EXIT".
Stranger: So what should i do?
You: Whatever you want. You can talk to the shopkeeper, the police bot, walk out the exit, or go through the "NO ENTRY" door.
You: Or check your pockets, pick your nose. Your choice.
Your chat has been disconnected. Click here to chat again.

At this point things are getting desperate, not just for me, but the shopkeeper is getting annoyed and our policebot is close to arresting this Ryan-Gosling-resembling stranger just to resolve the situation. Then the policebot will search Gosling's pockets to find a gun, a murder victim's credit card and the ID of a wanted murderer and cop-killer.

Ellis is going to have play things very carefully here. Hopefully their next personality is that of the hero we need...

You are now chatting with a total stranger! Say something interesting other than: ASL?
Don't forget to Register a profile on iMeetzu to keep track of your new friends.
You: You have no memory of how you got here, what you’re doing, or even who you are. All you know are your surroundings. You appear to be in a gift shop, facing a till with an exasperated looking human head, and a small police tank on a unicycle. You can see two doors, one marked "EXIT" and one marked "NO ENTRY".
Stranger: hey
Stranger: ok
You: "PLEASE LEAVE THE PREMISES NOW OR I WILL BE FORCED TO MAKE A DETERRENT," the police bot says.
You: What do you want to do?
Stranger: leave ok?
You: You want to go out the door marked "EXIT"?
Stranger: where ?
You: It's behind the police bot.
Stranger: i dont know
You: There's another door behind you marked "NO ENTRY".
You: Which way do you want to go?
Stranger: im new user
Stranger: first time i use
You: Say what you want to do and I will tell you what happens
Stranger: i dont know.but u r admin ?
You: I'm the narrator.
You: The police bot is getting impatient.
Stranger: i use ok?
Stranger: i dont know 
Stranger: what happen?

...or the hero we deserve. It's becoming increasingly clear the latest player understands what's going on even less than our usual clientele, but by God they stick with it!

It eventually occurs to me that this may be because they don't know how to log out of the chat.


You: Tell me which door you would like to go through, the exit or the no entry door.
Stranger: exit ok?but next time i can use
You: You leave the shop and enter a wide town square, although where you might expect the sky to be there are girders and hanging strip lights. In the centre of the square stands a rusting iron statue of a man.
You: He's holding a sign that says "WELCOME TO TIN TOWN".
You: From here you can signs reading “Copper’s Write Electrical Store”, “Doc Osmium’s Repair Workshop”, “The Tin Memorial War Museum” and “Nicky Nickel’s Diner”.
You: What do you want to do next?
You: You can choose a place to go to, you can check your pockets, or anything else you can think of
Stranger: i dont know im free time use
Stranger: just work 
You: What do you want to do? Pick an action.
Stranger: nth 
You: People and robots and other people that might be robots walk past you, giving you a wide berth and some funny looks.
Stranger: ohhh
You: What do you want to do next?
Stranger: temporary exit
You: The only exits you can see are the Electrical Store, the Repair Workshop, the War Museum and the Diner.
You: The police robot rolls out of the Tin Memorial War Museum Gift Shop behind you.
Stranger: im follow user
Stranger: bye im work again

Ellis escaped the gift shop without getting searched by the police! Possible the android's greatest victory since they got out of that elevator. Of course, Ellis has taken down absolutely no information from the museum, or the doctor's, or their interaction with the cops, so we're still back at square one.

Yet, we're also nearing the end of Ellis' adventures in Tin Town. One way or another...

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